For many years, I have lived my life thinking that less is more. I have had to relinquish these perpetual thoughts in my head and embrace more forward thinking in order to have the kind of life I dream about. During my childhood, it was always enough to go around, but not enough to save for a rainy day. I held onto limiting beliefs about money, receiving, and saving it. Giving and receiving truly do go hand in hand but getting caught up in the giving was where I kept going wrong. First of all, I watched my mother give of herself my whole life, I rarely saw her give to herself as so many women do out of habit. Many of us have been programmed to think that we can't enjoy the abundance of life unless everyone else is taken care of first; perhaps those of us who are mothers embrace this notion more so than other women, but the fact is we are receivers, creators and givers, and all of those titles should be in balance. It took many years for me to get to this realization but through observing other women, reading books on claiming abundance and positive affirmations, I am getting to the gist of this delicate balance. It hasn't been an easy road to travel but the more I began to notice the subtle messages my own children were picking up by my actions, made me want to change my thinking. I picked up on how preoccupied they would become with bills, the cost of school related functions and whether or not we had enough money for even the basics sometime. I didn't want my children to worry about such things, I wanted them to know that everything was fine. I wanted them to just be kids and not concern themselves with the hows and whys of financial issues; but it all would start and end with me.
Being mindful to what came out of my mouth on a daily basis about my expectations and attitudes towards money would be the first step. What was I saying and not giving a second thought to about how my children interpreted money? Was I constantly saying, "no, not this time, we don't have the money"; if they were out with me and I saw something I liked and wanted to purchase, did they pick up on my insecurity about whether or not I could "splurge" on something for myself? Children are more intuitive than we think, and I give mine credit for seeing through the veil I would often hang over the picture I was attempting to paint. Was I teaching them that money is something you hold onto, "just in case" or was I giving them healthy options for using money to their advantage? Money should be saved, but not in a way that suggests more money will never come our way.
Yes, we all need to be responsible when it comes to our bills and obligations but if we get caught up in the mundane routine of living within our means indefinitely, we will never know what it is like to feel abundance. I am a nurturer by heart, I have been all of my life, it hasn't always been the easiest task for me to receive from others without feeling like I needed to repay the kindness shown to me. I had a deep fear of imposing on people, even when they offered to do something nice for me and I was blocking my receptivity big time. While I have taken steps to correct this automatic reaction to people's kindness, I still have to do a mental check each time to be sure my thoughts are aligning with my desires. Abundance does not always equal money, just as money doesn't always equal abundance. I have riches upon riches in my life that money could never even begin to account for; love, laughter, my health, my family, friends, support, and so much more.
I am finally beginning to really see what abundance truly means and my mind is much clearer since I have let go of old ways of thinking that no longer serve me. I feel deserving of all that life has to offer me; spiritually, physically, mentally and financially and I don't associate guilt with receiving in any areas of my life anymore. Some key steps I have taken to bring more receptivity into my life is inviting more feminine energy in my spirit by way of connecting with other like minded women, reading about and connecting with goddess energy, spending more time in nature and embracing all of the beauty I see and writing out my thoughts in journals.
I have relinquished so much stagnant energy by releasing my control on outcomes and wondering how things would fall into place all of the time. Calming my mind of frivolous worries through meditation enabled me to see things in a different light. I let my fears disperse like feathers blowing in the wind and I noticed how lighter my spirit began to feel. It's a lovely feeling to not worry about there being "enough," there is always enough, it always has been, I just had to change my thought pattern to see this. There is a saying "attention goes where energy flows, or maybe it's energy flows where attention goes," either way, I agree.