Friday, November 29, 2013

I'm thankful for what truly matters

I thought about the things I am truly thankful for and most of the things I came up with cannot be purchased in a store; black Friday has nothing on what I get for free every day; Love. Love surrounds me in the form of the people in my life who are my family and friends, love greets me in the morning as the Creator pours sunshine through my window over my resting frame; love looks me in my eyes with sincere smiles and laughter from my daughters. I am thankful for who I am, my path in this life, my ability to hear music that strengthens my soul. Music in the form of singing, dancing, instruments and bands are lovely, but I am also thankful for the sound of solitude.

I love the sound of trees blowing in the wind, the sound of water flowing in a lake; taking gratitude on another level for me. I am thankful for the sound of a loved one's voice on the other end of my phone or in person as I face them and give my all in an embrace with them. I am thankful for the peace in my heart, for the newness that each day brings for me to release whatever I need to release in preparation for what lies ahead. I'm thankful for my thinking pattern, for what we think about is energy in one of the highest forms. For the most part, I attempt to clear my head of frivolous and draining thoughts; also known as worry. I do have my moments when I'm not so strong, and I will openly acknowledge that my tears flow, my energy level slumps and I just don't have all of the answers. But something inside of me; my spirit perhaps, reminds me of how fleeting this life is; how having just one more moment to live, laugh and love is what matters in the end. 

Friday, November 8, 2013

Giving my writing the love it deserves

I could write nonstop from sun up to sun down; flowing on a trail of endless inspiration, especially when it hits me! But alas, I don't reside in the solitude of the mountains or on a secluded island, at least, not yet! While my girls are super awesome about giving me uninterrupted writing time, I need them to know that I am indeed here with them; even with the sometime engrossing process of writing.  I love that I can look out of my window to see the beautiful sky and how it changes from morning until evening. It tends to inspire me, as does the trees blowing a relaxing breeze through my windows. I really don't require much to feel that buzz, I am quite versatile when it comes to expressing my thoughts on paper; however, natural settings tend to heighten my creativity. Therefore; the beach, parks, and lakes get my creative juices flowing! I suppose it has to do with the serenity of such places.

Many times; I've been hit with an appealing idea to write about or an intriguing poem that forms perfectly in my mind and I'm scrambling to get it recorded while it's slowly but surely forming; line by line. I've often relied on memory to write down what I had been thinking just moments before, only to forget it when I finally do have paper and pen or my laptop in front of me! So I came up with a solution for my often unpredictable bouts of inspiration. I didn't have very many journals to record my thoughts in until recently; I have accumulated more writing materials since experiencing a surge in my blogging and book-writing. I did an inventory of all the journals, notebooks, drawing and writing pads that I owned and decided that I had enough of them to place in inconspicuous places around my house. A journal on the bottom shelf of my living room bookcase, a notebook behind my cookbooks in the kitchen, and of course a writing pad on my night desk for those dreams to record that are fresh in my head upon waking.

I used to draw often and had a lot of drawing pads that were given to me as gifts and now I use them for writing out my poetry. The endless space on those large sheets of paper are excellent for writing more than one poem or even longer pieces. As a writer, I never know when I will be taken to a place that guides me to write something and I enjoy making provisions to ensure that I can do so. What also helps me is knowing that the poem or idea I was thinking of is actually recorded in one of my books! Bookmarks also help me to save the page I wrote on for the day as well as little sticky tabs. And later, when all is quiet and I have some down time, I will type what I have on my laptop. I can view it, play around with it, change it up or leave what I wrote just the way it is. Writing is a way of life for me; I navigate through situations with it; I feel it in my spirit and it is my calling, it needs nurturing and love!

Thursday, November 7, 2013

That beautiful feeling of completion

I just completed two major milestones in my life; writing and publishing two ebooks on Amazon. Although I haven't made millions over night, I have indeed become richer in my spirit. Knowing that I touched on parts of my life that held me captive emotionally has opened my heart to healing in amazing ways. My first book is titled; "The day I heard my father's voice" and is about me making an attempt to reconnect with my father after thirty years of estrangement. The small single memory I had of seeing him only once at age 3 created within me a story involving the unforgettable climax of how things transpired the day I talked with him. We honestly don't know how deeply we are affected by our emotions until we have times in our lives that force us to release those pent up feelings. And this was a story of triumph.

My other story, titled; "The silence of my baby's cries" was also a story of healing from the stillbirth of my son in 2009. I am thankful for the hearts that were touched by this book and for the courage that it took for me to share this part of myself with the world. I chose to use my son's picture as the cover of my book; and that was a huge step for me. I wasn't even able to look at his pictures for so long without crying and wishing I had him in my life. But one day, I took them out and looked over each one, and as I completed my story; I decided I would commemorate his memory by using his beautiful face as the cover of my book. I celebrated his short life by remembering him in my book and I also celebrate this final stage in the grieving process. 

I look forward to connecting with people through the books I have written as well as the books I am planning to write. We can all find solace in knowing someone else has been "there." It heals the spirit to share and be accepted for who you are and what you have overcome. Writing my books has set the ball rolling for many opportunities and I am open to wherever this road takes me. I look forward to writing more about my life, my triumphs, my struggles and how it all fits in the grand scheme of things.

Monday, November 4, 2013

My life in stories, poetry and pictures.: Less is certainly not more

My life in stories, poetry and pictures.: Less is certainly not more: For many years, I have lived my life thinking that less is more. I have had to relinquish these perpetual thoughts in my head and embr...

Less is certainly not more

For many years, I have lived my life thinking that less is more. I have had to relinquish these perpetual thoughts in my head and embrace more forward thinking in order to have the kind of life I dream about. During my childhood, it was always enough to go around, but not enough to save for a rainy day. I held onto limiting beliefs about money, receiving, and saving it. Giving and receiving truly do go hand in hand but getting caught up in the giving was where I kept going wrong. First of all, I watched my mother give of herself my whole life, I rarely saw her give to herself as so many women do out of habit. Many of us have been programmed to think that we can't enjoy the abundance of life unless everyone else is taken care of first; perhaps those of us who are mothers embrace this notion more so than other women, but the fact is we are receivers, creators and givers, and all of those titles should be in balance. It took many years for me to get to this realization but through observing other women, reading books on claiming abundance and positive affirmations, I am getting to the gist of this delicate balance. It hasn't been an easy road to travel but the more I began to notice the subtle messages my own children were picking up by my actions, made me want to change my thinking. I picked up on how preoccupied they would become with bills, the cost of school related functions and whether or not we had enough money for even the basics sometime. I didn't want my children to worry about such things, I wanted them to know that everything was fine. I wanted them to just be kids and not concern themselves with the hows and whys of financial issues; but it all would start and end with me.

 Being mindful to what came out of my mouth on a daily basis about my expectations and attitudes towards money would be the first step. What was I saying and not giving a second thought to about how my children interpreted money? Was I constantly saying, "no, not this time, we don't have the money"; if they were out with me and I saw something I liked and wanted to purchase, did they pick up on my insecurity about whether or not I could "splurge" on something for myself? Children are more intuitive than we think, and I give mine credit for seeing through the veil I would often hang over the picture I was attempting to paint. Was I teaching them that money is something you hold onto, "just in case" or was I giving them healthy options for using money to their advantage? Money should be saved, but not in a way that suggests more money will never come our way.

 Yes, we all need to be responsible when it comes to our bills and obligations but if we get caught up in the mundane routine of living within our means indefinitely, we will never know what it is like to feel abundance. I am a nurturer by heart, I have been all of my life, it hasn't always been the easiest task for me to receive from others without feeling like I needed to repay the kindness shown to me. I had a deep fear of imposing on people, even when they offered to do something nice for me and I was blocking my receptivity big time. While I have taken steps to correct this automatic reaction to people's kindness, I still have to do a mental check each time to be sure my thoughts are aligning with my desires. Abundance does not always equal money, just as money doesn't always equal abundance. I have riches upon riches in my life that money could never even begin to account for; love, laughter, my health, my family, friends, support, and so much more.

 I am finally beginning to really see what abundance truly means and my mind is much clearer since I have let go of old ways of thinking that no longer serve me. I feel deserving of all that life has to offer me; spiritually, physically, mentally and financially and I don't associate guilt with receiving in any areas of my life anymore. Some key steps I have taken to bring more receptivity into my life is inviting more feminine energy in my spirit by way of connecting with other like minded women, reading about and connecting with goddess energy, spending more time in nature and embracing all of the beauty I see and writing out my thoughts in journals.

 I have relinquished so much stagnant energy by releasing my control on outcomes and wondering how things would fall into place all of the time. Calming my mind of frivolous worries through meditation enabled me to see things in a different light. I let my fears disperse like feathers blowing in the wind and I noticed how lighter my spirit began to feel. It's a lovely feeling to not worry about there being "enough," there is always enough, it always has been, I just had to change my thought pattern to see this. There is a saying "attention goes where energy flows, or maybe it's energy flows where attention goes," either way, I agree.