Synchronicity

Synchronicity, karma and coincidence all exist to prove that we are indeed spiritual beings having a physical experience called life. I would say all of these experiences fit together and should be paid attention to. In our busy lives, we tend to brush aside things that the Universe is trying to show us. It is wise to be still and take in to account what needs to be revealed in our lives by being open to our intuition. I enclose myself in a warm, enveloping place, developing my mind, body and spirit at my own unique pace. I allow myself to experience this peace and know that each day will be calm and sweet.

My earth, moon and stars

Astrology is so amazing to me. I love to learn about my signs and the signs of those close to me. Before, it was curiosity that led me to explore what it means to be a Gemini. But it is so much more to it! Astrology is our "make up" basically a guide to our inward and outward personalities. I don't think I could see myself being anything other than a Gemini, well, maybe a Pisces...I identify with that sign extremely well and I feel that it is due to the fact that both signs exhibit duality. We are the signs with "two sides." With Geminis, our "other" side tends to show itself without hesitation, with Pisces though, one has to be patient to see their other side, as it may or may not be revealed! It truly depends on the person.

The Gemini in me is relentless when it comes to conversing about everything under the sun, meeting new people and learning about them...I have an insatiable desire to find out more, to read, to share my thoughts with those around me. I cannot go a day without filling my brain with some new information.

 My moon being in Leo gives me a protective nature especially with my children. I am very in tuned with my girls and I take my role as "Mama" very seriously. A Leo moon also creates a uniqueness in me. I like to stand out in a crowd, I like clothing that says, "Lisa" in it's own special way.  My pride is also easily wounded and I can be very defensive about what I feel deep inside, but it is all due to my big heart that wants to show love. I am also a very passionate person with Leo falling in my Mars as well.  I am learning how to channel that strong energy into healthy outlets for if I don't; it has the potential to be unleashed too abruptly.

 An abundance of sexual energy also resides deep within my soul being a moon in Leo woman but I consider it a gift. It is only recently that I have been coming into my own and accepting what makes me the fiery, intense woman that I am.  I was afraid of expressing my truest emotions for the longest time for fear of running folks away. Outpouring my love and devotion is how I have almost always approached my relationships, and many people could not handle my realness. This information was actually told to me by a beautiful sister who "read" my energy before. I was shocked that she could detect this about me so accurately. I knew that I had been so giving in my relationships and extremely open, but didn't always know why I didn't get the response I had been seeking. Many times, we will have aha moments when those close to us reveal something that they have noticed about us. We can either take that information and put it to good use or we can keep going on the familiar road, only sticking to what we know and are comfortable with. Sometime, it is good to get out of our comfort zones and explore what we thought we knew on a deeper level.

My ascendant or rising sign is in Virgo and it makes me somewhat analytical as well as a bit of a perfectionist. I find that I flit around and fuss over things until they are what I deem "perfect." But with age comes wisdom and I am learning that being perfect is something my ego wants, not my spirit. Before, I would question every thought, and relive every moment, wondering if something could have been done "better." I have definitely come a long way as far as being a perfectionist is concerned. I realized that I can't allow myself to agonize over my decisions and how I live my life.
I am still learning about the placement of my "houses" in my chart and I plan to learn more about Eastern,  African, Vedic, Chinese, Native American and other astrological practices. I do feel that I have uncovered so much about my astrological makeup and knowing much more than I did before about who I am has given me strength.



My Venus is in Cancer which makes me very clingy when it comes to love. When I love, I love deeply and FOREVER unless something happens that causes my heart to loose that love. Most of my relationships, especially with my friends, have lasted for more than a few years. Could my Venus in Cancer have anything to do with this pattern? Perhaps! I know that Cancer is a very intuitive, emotional and loving sign, yet it can also cause one to withdraw when things aren't going their way, at least for a little while until things feel "safe" again.

Lastly, but certainly not least! My Uranus happens to fall in Scorpio, knowing how determined and purposeful that I can be, it all seems to make perfect sense! I have read that this placement creates a strong drive, passion and sexual expression...very true for me...I find sexual release very fulfilling and I need it like I need water. I am very open and enjoy reading erotic literature, discussing sexuality, birth and other intimate topics amongst like-minded individuals. I also enjoy writing poetry about my experiences, my feelings, love, and intimacy. I tend to link spirituality and sexuality together in my poems; purposefully. The end results are usually more intense than I thought they would be, but nevertheless, my poems express the beauty in such a connection.

I have included a copy of my birth chart, which I retrieved from www.astro.com, it was fun reading it and identifying with what I knew and learning about what I didn't know.

 Planetary positions

planet	sign	degree		motion
Sun	Gemini	19°28'50	in house 9	direct
Moon	Leo	13°39'22	in house 11	direct
Mercury	Gemini	14°50'23	in house 9	direct
Venus	Cancer	23°28'18	in house 10	direct
Mars	Leo	28°09'56	in house 11	direct
Jupiter	Cancer	11°12'27	in house 10	direct
Saturn	Leo	25°27'42	in house 11	direct
Uranus	Scorpio	12°59'09	in house 2	retrograde
Neptune	Sagittarius	16°52'30	in house 3	retrograde
Pluto	Libra	13°56'56	in house 1	retrograde
True Node	Libra	2°16'43	in house 1	retrograde

House positions (Placidus)

Ascendant	Virgo	28°32'22
2nd House	Libra	24°47'14
3rd House	Scorpio	25°08'40
Imum Coeli	Sagittarius	28°20'25
5th House	Aquarius	1°34'50
6th House	Pisces	2°04'03
Descendant	Pisces	28°32'22
8th House	Aries	24°47'14
9th House	Taurus	25°08'40
Medium Coeli	Gemini	28°20'25
11th House	Leo	1°34'50
12th House	Virgo	2°04'03

Major aspects

Sun	Sextile	Moon	5°49
Sun	Conjunction	Mercury	4°38
Sun	Sextile	Saturn	5°59
Sun	Opposition	Neptune	2°36
Sun	Trine	Pluto	5°32
Moon	Sextile	Mercury	1°11
Moon	Square	Uranus	0°40
Moon	Trine	Neptune	3°13
Moon	Sextile	Pluto	0°18
Mercury	Quincunx	Uranus	1°51
Mercury	Opposition	Neptune	2°02
Mercury	Trine	Pluto	0°53
Venus	Sextile	Ascendant	5°04
Mars	Conjunction	Saturn	2°42
Jupiter	Trine	Uranus	1°47
Jupiter	Square	Pluto	2°44
Neptune	Sextile	Pluto	2°56

My sun ray, Valorae

I have just had the best past two weeks of the year; my cousin Valorae and her handsome boys were here. It was definitely a reunion and we treated it as such, we hugged, we laughed and we just enjoyed each other's energy. When I think of how much my cousin Valorae means to me, I get quite emotional. I feel as if no other woman knows the struggles I have gone through like she does. I can definitely say that my mother has been there for me through many challenges, no doubt, and has been there for me too. But Valorae has LIVED through the same things that I have. When I lost my son, I knew she would understand and KNOW my pain, because she had also lost a son during pregnancy...When I cried for days and wanted to be alone, she was there waiting patiently, knowing that one day I would smile again. We have always had a bond that borders more along the lines of sisterhood, but it has definitely grown over the years since I have become a woman and mother.
She watched me grow up from a feisty yet cute three year old to a mother of two girls myself. When I need advice, when I need a shoulder to cry on, when I need to just share my feelings without the need to censor anything, I think of her. I also think of her when I want to share something that would make us laugh together, and even through the phone, I feel her laughter!
Our time together this summer made me realize just how precious life is and how the people in our lives; especially those who have been there in and out of years can truly have an effect on our hearts. I watched as the girls and her boys just picked up right where they left off almost four years ago, and didn't miss a beat! We went to the beach, we went to some parks, we cooked together, we stayed up late reminiscing and we shared our thoughts on almost everything we could think of. I so love to see her smile! I also treasure how much we have in common and how we tune in to each other so easily.

I feel that I am just that much stronger of a woman for having this soul connection with Valorae, perhaps we are sisters, even though by blood we are cousins. I have always looked up to her and respected her as the beautiful, intelligent woman that she is. I know that she is proud of how far I have come and she tells me so. For me, that is just pure motivation. I love Valorae!

Reflecting on who I am

I read and reread the synopsis of my birth date in a book I purchased about birthdays; it is called the Encyclopedia of Birthdays and it really delves deep into the type of person one is, based on the day of their birth. It is not a simple book and if one really desires to search deeper in their psyche about who they are, this book really helps. My "good" traits were bold, warm, daring and gifted which I graciously accepted as truth. However, there are always two sides to everything and there were some challenging aspects about myself that I have to make peace with.
Those aspects about me were that I tend to be self destructive, erratic and confused. While I take everything I read with a grain of salt, this really stood out and made me want to go within to see just how I allow myself to be that way. I had an aha moment yesterday as I sat quietly, allowing my thoughts to float around in my head. I have come a long way in my young life-dealing with many mountains of pain in this valley. I have had to find healthy ways to restore my spirit, some days were so much harder than others. What I realized is that I accepted pain as part of me especially in regards to my most recent health issues. I decided that I would just endure the pain in my body, soul and mind. But as I opened up more with my loved ones about my struggles, I came to realize that I was self destructing. I was viewing myself as a martyr for suffering; symbolizing my struggles as a sign of inner strength. I was sinking deeper and deeper into an abyss of self pity and anguish though and was not feeling confident about this road I was on.
I have so many dreams and goals for myself. I smile, laugh, and yet cry so hard on the inside where nobody can see, where it is safe to release these pent up emotions and not have to explain it away. But while I can accept this pain as growth, I can also not allow it to rule my life anymore. My joy is of utmost importance and I want to breathe new air into my soul by shedding old programming that no longer serves me. I will not allow myself to keep picking at scabs when they heal only to have them bleed all over again and cause me pain. I will let them heal once and for all and my scars will be soft to the touch yet they will also be a reminder of what I have overcome.
Perhaps I received this programming from my mother who strongly believes in "waiting on God"for everything even when actions clearly need to be taken for the betterment of her well being. I do believe in prayer and that the Creator will attend to my prayers and provide for my needs. However, I was falling into an unhealthy patter of waiting my physical and emotional pain out. Shrugging it off like it wasn't bothering me as much as I knew it was. It was not a healthy existence for me.
Life is too short, too precious and too beautiful for me to continue putting my well being last. Growing up, I did see my mother procrastinate on things that were beneficial for her, taking time away, relaxing and healing from life's pressures. We all need that soul strengthening time in our lives and now more than ever, I have been paying attention to how I treat myself. I am not a machine that needs a tune up every now and then to keep rolling. I am a human being, with emotions that sometimes fluctuate, and a spirit that needs constant growth and stimulation. I do take pride in the nurturing, loving and sacrificing woman and mother I am. I realized that in order to maintain a healthy balance with all involved in my life, I would have to maintain that upkeep of my soul, body, mind and spirit. It took me some time to really go within my soul to find out what I was doing that was self destructive, erratic and confusing but I believe I am on the right track now. I am in a constant state of awareness, change and reception. I am thankful to be able to learn and grow into a stronger woman in all aspects of my personality.

Life has been changing right before my eyes...it is summer now, I am enjoying observing the birth of new flowers, new relationships and new adventures...I am loving how I am nurturing my spirit and how I'm being more observant of what is going on inside of me. I have released so much that I was subconsciously  holding on to...it feels very good to allow, to just be in this moment and all that it has to teach me.

Beckoning Dreams

I have realized I can only be away from what I truly desire but for so long...I miss being in the midst of birth, new mothers and that familiar energy surrounding sisterhood and working towards supporting women through birth. I have traveled many roads in my young life, trying out different jobs to see what fits, and nothing has made feel more at ease and at home than supporting mothers through birth as a doula and soon to be midwife. It is my calling, my desire and my dream. The more I think about what I really want to do in this life the more peace I feel within for really listening to my spirit. I have to drown out the commotion and the fear in an effort to keep my dream afloat. My heart is lifted, my hands long to write about my experiences on this road thus far and those to come.

Birth is the beginning and it is a journey worth traveling a lifetime for a woman like me. I long to share my stories with other women; of my own births, as well as supporting and advocating for all women. I can't explain the pull that seems to draw me in, but I do know that it makes sense to complete the journey I began years ago as a mother myself and later a postpartum and labor doula. I am a nurturer of new life; bliss and pure positive energy surrounds me when I am present for a birth or for a mother who has recently given birth. I love to listen to what she has to say about her birth, her new baby and how she defines herself. I learn from her and I take mental notes on this unique event in her life. I am blessed to be a part of something so transforming and beautiful.

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Write Now

It has been too long since I've written on my beloved blog...time truly has a way of getting by so fast! I haven't written anything on this blog as of yet since the new year began. I am currently working on two books, one about my relationship with my father and a book filled with my most intimate poems that have been in my mind and in my journals for years. I desire to see them come to fruition. I am ready to take the plunge and go with the flow. I am a writer, this I know and have known for a long time. I write for pleasure and also to express my deepest emotions. The words I write are an extension of who I am, where I've been and where I want to go. I want this badly, I imagine my life in a place where I am writing nonstop, as if time is of no importance. It brings me so much joy to see my words come together to form a poem, a story or even to just release an emotion that is too difficult to express via speech. Writing comes to my rescue on so many occasions and I would be lost without a pen and paper!